Build trust and relationships to grow your business

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[00:00] SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Candace Podcast.
[00:06] SPEAKER_00: Hi, this is Cynthia Lockery and welcome to Candace Podcast, where we talk to
[00:11] SPEAKER_00: entrepreneurs who are making it happen right here in BC. Today I'm joined by
[00:17] SPEAKER_00: Carrie Isham. Carrie is a knowledgeable, experienced, and passionate educator,
[00:24] SPEAKER_00: coach, and facilitator dedicated to excellence and committed to the
[00:28] SPEAKER_00: empowerment of people of all ages. Her primary goal is to make exploring
[00:34] SPEAKER_00: sexual health, fun, and meaningful, and alleviate the shame and embarrassment
[00:39] SPEAKER_00: sometimes associated with this topic. So welcome, Carrie. Why don't we jump
[00:45] SPEAKER_00: in by you telling us a bit about yourself and the work you do?
[00:51] SPEAKER_01: Great. Thanks for having me and really happy to be here. Well, I've been an
[00:55] SPEAKER_01: educator for 28 years, the first 13 in the public school in District 69,
[01:01] SPEAKER_01: Park School, Qualcomm. And I decided in 2009 to leave my full time, continuing
[01:06] SPEAKER_01: position with a hundred six days and a pension to venture out on my own. And I
[01:12] SPEAKER_01: specialize in sexual abuse prevention, supporting children, youth, and adults
[01:17] SPEAKER_01: with support needs, usually FASD and on the spectrum. And then also specializing
[01:25] SPEAKER_01: in the impact of pornography viewing on children and youth.
[01:29] SPEAKER_00: So for those who don't know, FASD stands for
[01:34] SPEAKER_00: the alcohol syndrome. Thank you. And we know autism spectrum. So you had a great
[01:41] SPEAKER_00: job, you had a pension, you had all the things that our parents told us that we
[01:46] SPEAKER_00: need it to have. What made you say, you know what? I'm going to go my way and do
[01:53] SPEAKER_01: this journey. Well, as a PE teacher, I also taught sexual health. And in my last
[02:02] SPEAKER_01: year of teaching, I had grade eight class that I had for a course called career and
[02:08] SPEAKER_01: personal planning. And I had them for an entire semester of sexual health, meaning I saw them
[02:15] SPEAKER_01: for 12 one hour sessions. But what I noticed in the students was no one was ever late.
[02:22] SPEAKER_01: I also noticed that people were never away. And I really felt that those young people were
[02:29] SPEAKER_01: in grade eight were ready to transfer into high school with a lot of information. And so I thought
[02:35] SPEAKER_01: to myself, I love my job. I left at the height of my job. I was doing an at-risk girls group on
[02:43] SPEAKER_01: Friday after school, running in Chamorro's, running the P department. And I really left on a high
[02:49] SPEAKER_01: feeling that I had done a really great job. But I felt this pull in this calling and yearning
[02:56] SPEAKER_00: to be doing this sexual health full time. And so sexual health is an area where we don't always
[03:05] SPEAKER_00: want to talk about. You know, some of us grew up in those homes. We don't talk about it. And
[03:13] SPEAKER_00: kids can be, we think kids can be awkward about it. So what's it about sexual health that you
[03:21] SPEAKER_00: thought? This is an area that needs a bit more attention. Well, I come from the stance that
[03:28] SPEAKER_01: learning about our bodies is our birthright. And it's a human right to be able to have information
[03:35] SPEAKER_01: to make informed decisions. And so before people are deciding to share their body or if they
[03:42] SPEAKER_01: decide to share their body, I want them to have all of the information that they need to make
[03:47] SPEAKER_01: the healthiest choice for themselves. In the absence of sexual health education, we get sexual
[03:52] SPEAKER_01: exploitation, we get rampant sexual abuse, we get people that are not able to enjoy their own
[03:58] SPEAKER_00: bodies with themselves or with a partner. And being a consultant, somebody from the outside,
[04:06] SPEAKER_00: do you find it's easier when you go speak to kids than it would be if it's a classroom teacher
[04:13] SPEAKER_01: there with every day? Well, what the kids tell me is there are lots of teachers that feel really
[04:20] SPEAKER_01: comfortable. I've done a lot of teacher training, people that feel confident covering the material,
[04:26] SPEAKER_01: but there's also lots of people that don't. And it's not optional curriculum. It's mandated in the
[04:31] SPEAKER_01: physical and health education curriculum from K to 10. That's probably been one of my biggest
[04:36] SPEAKER_01: barriers is to get that information out to parents because you cannot advocate for something that
[04:41] SPEAKER_00: you don't even know exists. And so another piece that you do is coming in, so you do the classroom
[04:50] SPEAKER_00: teaching, but you also come in and help with individuals who might be with disabilities or at risk.
[04:59] SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, sometimes I do private clients in my home, sometimes on Zoom, sometimes they go
[05:06] SPEAKER_01: to schools. It really just depends. It's ideal for family sometimes for me to go during school time
[05:12] SPEAKER_01: because then after school doesn't have to be about, you know, the learning it can be about playing
[05:16] SPEAKER_01: and doing kid things. But people can access me in a variety of ways through autism funding,
[05:23] SPEAKER_01: Ministry of Child and Family Development, Kwame Lailum. Sort of, I now have clients all over Canada,
[05:29] SPEAKER_00: after COVID. Yeah, COVID really has opened up the, you just don't need to be face to face anymore.
[05:37] SPEAKER_00: So that's that. So COVID has, would you say, I've been an
[05:41] SPEAKER_00: positive for the work you do or how has it changed the work you do?
[05:46] SPEAKER_01: Well, it was pretty shocking because I hadn't really done Zoom before. But it has now allowed me to
[05:53] SPEAKER_01: access an international audience. And so when I, I always get a kick out of finding out where
[05:58] SPEAKER_01: people are registering from. And you know, it allows people to have access in smaller communities,
[06:06] SPEAKER_01: people that wouldn't necessarily ever be able to take classes with me in person. So it's really
[06:11] SPEAKER_01: beneficial for me and the clients, but I still really do prefer in person if I can.
[06:17] SPEAKER_00: Yeah, there's just something about that. Is there, one piece of knowledge or information
[06:24] SPEAKER_00: about the work that you do that you think would be of interest to our listeners today?
[06:31] SPEAKER_01: Well, I think sexual health education is for everybody, right? The information I share is sort of
[06:37] SPEAKER_01: from great age two and app. And I always hear the parents when we're doing puberty classes,
[06:45] SPEAKER_01: they're always like, Oh, I wish I had this when I was younger or when I do the period talk workshop,
[06:50] SPEAKER_01: you know, when I got my period for the first time, I felt so much shame and embarrassment because
[06:55] SPEAKER_01: nobody told me about it. I've done workshops for seniors. I've done workshops for prostate survivors.
[07:01] SPEAKER_01: I've done workshops for like just about any age level. And I can pretty much cater any type of
[07:07] SPEAKER_01: workshop, you know, with with some lead time to do the research. So, and so what are you most proud of
[07:14] SPEAKER_01: in terms of the work that you do? I think my perseverance, I mean, I always joke around. I've
[07:23] SPEAKER_01: written three books by myself and then co-author to fourth book. And I really could write sort of a
[07:29] SPEAKER_01: memoir of all of the challenges that I've had to get this information out. One would think that
[07:35] SPEAKER_01: everybody would want kids to be educated and everybody would see this information as important.
[07:42] SPEAKER_01: But I'm proud that I'm still doing this work after, you know, 28 years of teaching because I taught
[07:50] SPEAKER_01: this my first year of teaching when nobody else was teaching it because it was part of the curriculum.
[07:55] SPEAKER_01: And I'm a checklist type person and it told me I had to do the reproductive system and I did it on a
[08:01] SPEAKER_01: program. Overhead projector. So, yeah, I'm proud of my perseverance and that despite the number of
[08:14] SPEAKER_01: challenges that I've had, I keep reminding myself to pull out my big girl panties and move on
[08:19] SPEAKER_00: because I have a mission here. So, how do you deal with those challenges that you get?
[08:27] SPEAKER_00: You know, I talk to other entrepreneurs and I say fear and doubt but yours isn't really your
[08:32] SPEAKER_00: fear and doubt. You're pretty confident. So, how do you deal with those challenges that come at you?
[08:40] SPEAKER_01: Well, I think knowing myself and knowing that like I am a child safety champion, when you know
[08:46] SPEAKER_01: you're calling and why you were placed on the earth, it sounds kind of silly but I couldn't
[08:54] SPEAKER_01: imagine myself doing anything else. And so, when people say to me, what would you do if you weren't
[09:00] SPEAKER_01: doing this? And I really can't imagine that because anything where I can feel connected to people,
[09:07] SPEAKER_01: where I can advocate for marginalized populations, anywhere that I can share my passions, I want to be
[09:14] SPEAKER_01: there. So, you know, I know who I am, I know that I don't have to, you know, take people's critiques of
[09:23] SPEAKER_01: me personally or seriously because what people think of me is none of my business. And turning,
[09:29] SPEAKER_01: I'm 52 now and turning 50, this is my best decade so far around self-esteem and body image and
[09:36] SPEAKER_01: knowing my worth and it just, it feels really great. Yeah, that is such a milestone birthday that we both
[09:45] SPEAKER_00: reach that really is that turning point. So, let's look at successes, let's talk about success because
[09:53] SPEAKER_00: you, you've had some successes. How do you celebrate success? How do you, you know, really embrace that?
[10:03] SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm pretty public about my successes on social media. You know, I've won a couple of awards,
[10:09] SPEAKER_01: I won an award with options for sexual health in 2015 as educator of the year. I was nominated and
[10:17] SPEAKER_01: won an award in NINIMO for the Health and Wellness category, which is a really big deal for a two-person
[10:26] SPEAKER_01: business. It's just my well-three now. I have another educator with me, but most of the work is done
[10:32] SPEAKER_01: by my husband and I, he's my business manager. I guess, I mean, in terms of successes,
[10:38] SPEAKER_01: my success right now is really monitored by how well I'm feeling. So, my self-care and how I'm
[10:48] SPEAKER_01: looking after myself really defines my success because this is a very challenging field. There's,
[10:56] SPEAKER_01: you know, since COVID, there's, you know, quite a bit of disgruntled people, people that would like
[11:04] SPEAKER_00: to shut people like me down. And I like how you say the success is about how you feel because I think
[11:13] SPEAKER_00: some people younger in their journey, it successes about how much is in the bank account.
[11:20] SPEAKER_00: Whereas we get further along in our journey, we realize that's not the only measure.
[11:27] SPEAKER_01: Yeah. For sure. I mean, don't get me wrong. I need to make a living, but my personal happiness
[11:34] SPEAKER_01: overrides the monetary gain. I need to be joyful, excited, passionate about what I'm doing, or I
[11:42] SPEAKER_00: actually don't want to do it. That's just such great advice. Now, let's talk about advice that
[11:50] SPEAKER_00: you'd give to entrepreneurs. First of all, if somebody was like, you know what, I'm thinking
[11:56] SPEAKER_00: of being an entrepreneur, whatever it is, selling widgets, or being a consultant, what advice would
[12:03] SPEAKER_00: you give somebody who's just looking at making the leap that you made many years ago?
[12:09] SPEAKER_01: Well, I think the first thing that I would recommend is reaching out to other people in the field.
[12:14] SPEAKER_01: I get requests probably once every two weeks from people that want to be a sexual health educator,
[12:20] SPEAKER_01: they want to ask me questions and see what niches are available to them. I think also to understand
[12:27] SPEAKER_01: that the first few years of business are all consuming because unless you are blessed with
[12:35] SPEAKER_01: copious amounts of money, you do have to pay people to help you build a website. There's so many
[12:42] SPEAKER_01: moving parts, and unless you can do all of that yourself, it can be quite expensive.
[12:48] SPEAKER_01: I think the third advice, which I wish someone had told me, is to maybe specialize a little bit more
[12:55] SPEAKER_01: from the beginning. If I wanted to be really well-known, say nationally, or internationally,
[13:04] SPEAKER_01: I would have had to pick one area of passion, put all my time and energy into that because
[13:10] SPEAKER_01: I took the other route. I did so many different things in response to the needs of the community.
[13:17] SPEAKER_01: I did a lot of work around gender and sexual orientation and transitioning children and youth,
[13:22] SPEAKER_01: you know, when they were transgender, and then stopped doing that when somebody else came
[13:29] SPEAKER_01: forward with that passion, and now we have trans care BC. So, specializing in multiple fields
[13:36] SPEAKER_01: means that you have to keep up in multiple fields with evidence-based research and meeting with
[13:41] SPEAKER_01: people and attending conferences, and as my, you know, entering my 53rd year soon, it's really,
[13:50] SPEAKER_01: it's really too much for me now. So, I've had to really look at what am I offering, what am I most
[13:56] SPEAKER_01: passionate about, where are people kind of going to have access to me, and like really narrowing
[14:04] SPEAKER_01: it back? And that feels really good too, because I don't have the time, energy, resources to keep
[14:12] SPEAKER_01: up with every single topic under the sun. Sexual health is a very broad field.
[14:18] SPEAKER_00: I think that's great advice, because it really is, we have to be on top of our game,
[14:24] SPEAKER_00: and when your game's very wide, that's a lot to keep on top of, and, you know, you want to
[14:31] SPEAKER_00: bring the best to the table. So, if you were to have your based in Ninoe Moe, so a medium-sized,
[14:40] SPEAKER_00: medium-sized city, what advice would you give to somebody who's looking to create connections
[14:48] SPEAKER_00: in the community, wherever their community is in BC, especially in a post-COVID world?
[14:57] SPEAKER_01: Well, one of the things that I did, because I was a teacher prior to doing my own business,
[15:03] SPEAKER_01: sexual health consulting, I just wrote down every single person that I knew, that I thought might
[15:08] SPEAKER_01: be interested in having a conversation with me about what I did. So, I talked with principals,
[15:14] SPEAKER_01: and counselors. I had coffee and lunches with people so much in the first couple of years,
[15:19] SPEAKER_01: because in this business, people really have to trust you, that you're going to deliver
[15:25] SPEAKER_01: accurate up-to-date content, and, you know, they really do like, people do avoid the controversial
[15:32] SPEAKER_01: topics, even though I still do them, and will always do the controversial topics, because that's
[15:38] SPEAKER_01: where the learning and that's where the growing is for people. Yeah, I guess I think that's
[15:45] SPEAKER_00: that's great advice. So, let's talk about being based in BC. So, what are some of the benefits
[15:52] SPEAKER_01: of running your business out of BC? Well, I've done a lot of outside workshops, so that's one
[16:00] SPEAKER_01: thing. I sometimes do workshops in people's backyards. I did a workshop one time in Lady Smith
[16:06] SPEAKER_01: on a trampoline with a bunch of kids where there was sheep roaming around. That's probably one of my
[16:12] SPEAKER_01: highlights, and the kids had their snacks, and we just talked about it. I feel like BC is very progressive.
[16:21] SPEAKER_01: We have a sexual health curriculum here. We're not fighting to have one, and it is upheld and
[16:29] SPEAKER_01: respected. And so, for me, being in British Columbia allows me the freedom to be a support
[16:37] SPEAKER_01: person for teachers, because I do believe in the curriculum that we have and support it.
[16:44] SPEAKER_01: I think people are struggling with life balance and work balance and family balance. So,
[16:54] SPEAKER_01: reaching families in BC is always interesting. How do I get the word out about what I'm doing,
[17:02] SPEAKER_01: what's the best platform, how to get people interested in being on my mail out list,
[17:07] SPEAKER_01: like when people don't want what they might consider junk mail. So, it's just a beautiful
[17:14] SPEAKER_01: place to live. And for me, for my personal well-being, I can have one or two clients in the morning,
[17:21] SPEAKER_01: and then in the afternoon, I'm on my paddle board at one of our many lakes. And I mean,
[17:27] SPEAKER_01: between my paddle board and my e-bike, those are definitely two things that have kept me really
[17:33] SPEAKER_01: grounded, and it pretty tumultuous time. Like, it's this last year, two years, three years,
[17:39] SPEAKER_01: I don't know, I lost count. It's been pretty challenging for entrepreneurs.
[17:43] SPEAKER_00: Absolutely. And what are some of the challenges of being located in BC, because you don't just service
[17:50] SPEAKER_00: clients in BC, you service clients from outside the province? Well, I think, I mean, I guess my focus
[17:58] SPEAKER_01: was to be the most well-known sexual health educator on Vancouver Island. That was my first school.
[18:05] SPEAKER_01: And I think people know what I'm offering. I think a challenge living in a small town is
[18:10] SPEAKER_01: saturation, right? I've been in many of the elementary schools for many years. I haven't been in
[18:16] SPEAKER_01: the schools for several years now. But I think maybe people think, well, my child already had
[18:21] SPEAKER_01: care-ish him, so she doesn't need more, you know, my son or daughter doesn't really need more
[18:27] SPEAKER_01: sexual health. But people need to understand that just like math is grade one, you know, to 12,
[18:33] SPEAKER_01: or kindergarten to grade 12, sexual health education scaffolds and builds on itself. So,
[18:39] SPEAKER_01: I guess I would want people to understand that, you know, supporting people like me is really
[18:45] SPEAKER_01: important because if you don't and there are not people that come into the field, then our kids
[18:50] SPEAKER_00: may be less likely to have this information. That's an excellent point. So, where do you see your
[19:00] SPEAKER_00: business in five years now that we've kind of come out of this hump and things are changing?
[19:07] SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, I guess, well, I'm doing a dream job in August, so I'll tell you about that.
[19:15] SPEAKER_01: So, I'm doing a full day training at a place called Providence Farm. Training all of the educators,
[19:23] SPEAKER_01: or sorry, all of the staff there about how to support their clients with healthy relationships,
[19:31] SPEAKER_01: with public displays of affection, why it's important for them to have sexual health education.
[19:36] SPEAKER_01: And for me, I want to be doing more of that. I want to be doing more trainings. I want to
[19:43] SPEAKER_01: travel doing my trainings. I'm going to hide it wide at the end of October, which I'm super
[19:48] SPEAKER_01: excited about. I'm going to Whistler to do a conference. And so, people are starting to know
[19:53] SPEAKER_01: about me. We're reaching out to try to get into different conferences and stuff like that. But
[19:58] SPEAKER_01: I think my main goal is how can I reach the most people with the time that I have left doing
[20:06] SPEAKER_01: this job? Because I'm not sure I don't have a retirement date yet. I have no idea what that looks
[20:14] SPEAKER_01: like, but I'm starting to contemplate the idea of like, what would that look like? And am I going to
[20:20] SPEAKER_01: have a successor? Am I going to, is my business just going to fall off the planet? Like, how do I keep
[20:27] SPEAKER_01: this information coming for families? I think that's great. And is there anything that keeps
[20:36] SPEAKER_00: you up at night with any trends that we're seeing? Or as an entrepreneur? I guess two things. One,
[20:46] SPEAKER_01: I always worry about getting the word out. I've got incredible offerings from now until June.
[20:52] SPEAKER_01: We've planned everything. And then I just rely on people to check my website, to be on my mail-out list.
[21:02] SPEAKER_01: So that does make me awake. Subnights, because of course, that's how I make my living.
[21:08] SPEAKER_01: The main thing, the bane of my existence, is the easy access to pornography for children.
[21:16] SPEAKER_01: Every single client that I have who's acted out sexually, who's done something to break
[21:22] SPEAKER_01: the law, it all goes back to pornography. It contributes to child-on-child sexual harm in families,
[21:28] SPEAKER_01: which is the most common form of sexual harm, but the most under-reported and not talked about.
[21:35] SPEAKER_01: And so that I wonder daily, night and day, are young people raised in a pornography saturated culture,
[21:44] SPEAKER_01: going to be able to engage in healthy relationships?
[21:49] SPEAKER_01: So that plagues me a lot.
[21:55] SPEAKER_00: Well, let's end on something positive. So how do you have some, how do you keep that work-life
[22:04] SPEAKER_00: balance? You know, we've talked about your paddle boarding, which we are blessed that we live in
[22:10] SPEAKER_00: a beautiful place that you can paddle aboard most months of the year. What else do you do to kind of
[22:16] SPEAKER_01: keep yourself on track? Well, I have a really good medical support team. I have a physiotherapist.
[22:24] SPEAKER_01: I saw yesterday, I see a chiropractor once a month. I had a counseling session yesterday,
[22:30] SPEAKER_01: just to keep on top of things. One thing that I would highly recommend that I was only willing to do
[22:37] SPEAKER_01: this coming September is I'm slotting in my time in what's important to me before work time.
[22:46] SPEAKER_01: So Monday night, I'm doing yoga, Thursday night, I'm doing ecstatic dance, and then I booked in
[22:52] SPEAKER_01: three morning walking partners. My husband is one of them so that we can stay connected and then
[22:58] SPEAKER_01: two of my girlfriends. And so the work revolves around those activities and that time is not negotiable.
[23:08] SPEAKER_00: And I've heard that from a few entrepreneurs on the show that it was a realization that came later.
[23:14] SPEAKER_00: Did not come early, that to be top of the game, they have to have that space. So for anybody who's
[23:22] SPEAKER_00: listening who's not doing it, don't wait till you're in a point where you don't have a choice.
[23:28] SPEAKER_00: Yeah. So is there any advice or a book you read or something that you've watched that's really
[23:35] SPEAKER_00: stuck with you that you want to that's helped you as an entrepreneur that you want to share with our
[23:41] SPEAKER_01: listeners? I really, well, one thing that's been really helpful to me is I'm part of the sex education
[23:50] SPEAKER_01: alliance. It's called C, it's an international group for sexual health educators. And it's really
[23:56] SPEAKER_01: helped me in times of struggle to come together with people who have the same life mission,
[24:02] SPEAKER_01: who really understand the trials and tribulations of being an entrepreneur. That's been really helpful.
[24:11] SPEAKER_01: I've been listening to a lot of Louise Hay stuff right now. Actually, I just finished reading
[24:17] SPEAKER_01: one of her books about healing your life, right? And so that's been really a factor for me.
[24:27] SPEAKER_01: I don't get a lot of time to read like for pleasure because I'm reading just right behind me.
[24:34] SPEAKER_01: I have an entire table of studies that I have sorted into categories because I really need
[24:39] SPEAKER_01: to get caught up in this. So I think just finding a podcast that you like, I like the six-minute
[24:45] SPEAKER_01: sex ed podcast, like I like, what is that one? I think it's called Embarrassed to Ask. So there's
[24:59] SPEAKER_01: a podcast that I listen to and you know, usually sexual health related. I think, you know, just
[25:08] SPEAKER_01: going to professional development is really helpful for me. I just signed up for an Indigenous
[25:13] SPEAKER_01: learning opportunity called Four Seasons. So I'm really excited about that and how that information
[25:19] SPEAKER_01: will help me deliver the education that I share because I do quite a bit of work in Indigenous
[25:24] SPEAKER_01: communities. So I love the lifelong learning. I definitely am into that and yeah, nothing really
[25:33] SPEAKER_00: specific other than those things. Well, and lifelong learning is so key to keep you on top of your
[25:38] SPEAKER_00: game, but also to get those connections with others so that you have a build a community.
[25:44] SPEAKER_00: Absolutely. So it's been so great talking to you and learning about what you do. Is there
[25:50] SPEAKER_01: anything else you want to share with our listeners? I guess if I could make a request, I would,
[25:59] SPEAKER_01: if you have children or grandchildren, please advocate for sexual health education in the school
[26:04] SPEAKER_01: system. If the teachers aren't doing it in your school, please look out for opportunities for
[26:10] SPEAKER_01: learning on Zoom or in your community because you know, it's really hard to have a balanced life
[26:17] SPEAKER_01: if you don't have the physical, emotional, spiritual, sexual, you know, balance in there. And for most
[26:25] SPEAKER_01: people, being sexually active is a key important role in their mental health and well-being. So it's
[26:32] SPEAKER_01: something that, you know, families need to talk about it and if you find it difficult,
[26:36] SPEAKER_01: then there's lots of great books. I have books on my website, under my free resources,
[26:42] SPEAKER_01: recommended readings for the little people, for middle school age and teenagers, you know, just
[26:49] SPEAKER_01: get out there, learn with your child, learn for yourself because this is something that really
[26:55] SPEAKER_01: is important. It's important for us to look after our sexual well-being.
[27:02] SPEAKER_00: Well, this is great and it's an important conversation to have and I love that your
[27:08] SPEAKER_00: entrepreneurial journey has taken you on this to help others. So thank you.
[27:14] SPEAKER_00: Thanks so much, Cynthia.